Are you male or female: female
Describe yourself: bored
How do you feel about yourself: bad
Describe where you currently live: oak town
If you could go anywhere you would go to: london
Your favorite form of transportation:walking//bike
best friends are:Amanda, trevor
What’s the weather like:dark
Favorite time of day: when everyone is asleep
If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: Bunk
What is life to you: the only one you get
What is the best advice you have to give: Be Yourself//Live//Laugh//Love
If you could change your name, what would it be: Katie
Your favorite food is: Spaghetti
Thought for the Day: ugh.. finals tomorrow
I would like to die by: a car accident
My soul's present condition: not sure. it's there. hanging by a thread
My motto: I don't have one
Your favorite color is: blue//purple//orange

Why can't I just be pretty like the rest of them?
i want to believe them when they say "Hey beautiful!"
but i can't.

I want to have that natural tan and those brown eyes that don't resemble shit.
I want to be pole thin, not the girl who has a great body for having kids...
i want to have that thick beautiful shiny hair that EVERYONE wants to run their fingers through.

yes, i'm completely insecure
yes, i'm an angsty teen who does and totally doesn't know what she wants in life.
yes, i think it's bull shit that you think i'm pretty when i am so totally not.

if you want pretty... look at Amanda. Look at Carrie, and look at Asia.....

FUcK Me

Le sigh. Yeah it's 2010 and the start of a new decade has got me dancing or maybe it's that musical prowess of that one chick toppin the charts.
No, not Lady Gaga, you know: that one girl with the dollah sign in her name.
If you still don't know who i'm talking about go to MyspaceDotCom and listen to TikTok.

Anywhoooo

blasting music at three in the morning seems to scare the demons away and make my step-daddy pissed off at the same time so i think i've actually learned to sleep at 3 in the morning instead of blasting dance music and dressing like a love child from the 80's. Sad, but true.
so, as of the moment i'm tired as all hell cuz once again the demons are blasting hell through my dreams and bringing that one boy back from the past and to the forefront of my very heated thoughts.
so the ? is....
do i blast music?
do i not?

There's my latest problem and NOW i realize how much of an effing whiner i am.
DAMN
oh well.


Love and K o t t o n K a n d i e
K@^13

These are a few of my most favorite things.
C'mon, you know you wanna sing the words because you know deep down inside of you The Sound Of Music is there waiting to get out.
But.. ANYWAYS.

Who knew a Sunday could actually be a good day?
And even more so, who knew a Monday could actually be worth while avec mon famille?
I wouldn't have thought so.

You know i have just suddenly com across a revelation. I know i'm getting a little off topic buuuuut, maybe, JUST MAYBE, being a good kid, getting good grades, being nice to my sisters and working hard to improve myself isn't so bad after all.

Back to what i was GOING to say...
Myspace: LAME
Facebook: Amazingly awesome(never thought I'd say that)

Gilmore Girls: Old Days
Dexter: Latest craze//crave (PS Michael C Hall is damn sexy when he's all emotionless XD)

Mtn Dew: Tooooo much sugar!
Sierra Mist Ruby Splash: Healthy, delicous and not to mention i can drink it and STILL lose weight!

Jhonas: Who needs crushes?
Trevor: My one and only!

that's all i have to say..

Much Love
Katie-Kat

Freshman year. I met him freshman year.

Sophomore year. I had no classes with him, i never saw him and yet, he still ended up being my best friend.

Junior Year. This year. AmLit, where he sits in front of me and tells me just how much he likes her and how much he wants to ask her out, even though he only has about 6 weeks until he leaves.

Two days ago, Friday, i sat behind him, once again, listening to him breath and wishing in a way that i didn't have a two year relationship under my belt. Wiishing that he could be that quick hook-up that i've never had. Somehow, my thoughts keep going back to how great a kiss he would be, even if i didn't know if it was true or not(maybe i should ask Asia). Sitting behind him i had to fight myself not to just slide my fingers through his hair, lean forward and tell him i wouldn't tell if he wouldn't.

Is this getting back at Trevor for what he wanted to do with Asia?

Why did i give in so quickly? People my age don't find their soulmates in their fourth grade crush! And even if they do, they don't realize it, let alone act on it until their like OLD! Why did i have to settle?

Suddenly, i realize, because i could never have just a hook-up, i fall in love too easily.

So now it's three. I wonder who the next one will be....????

--truly--
---Katie---

UPDATE!
Fuck.
Amanda now. I can't hate my best friend, no matter how jealous i was of them for the first few days....

Okay.
So, it's only a new school year but hey it's MY JUNIOR YEAR! Yeah, it's not senior year, buuut I'm almost there and it's a lot farther than I thought I'd get!
So... The new me starts with the hair. Okay AGAIN, but it's darker(not much), and I've lost weight(also not much). There's also the fact that I'm not taking crap from friends again and I'm going to make at least one new friend. Oh, and I'm actually going to watch my show(The Secret Life Of The American Teenager). PS, Adriene is a slut, but a not so slutty slut. I'm also going do my homework and try and get my GPA up from a 1.324 to at least a 2.1.... Yeah, i doubt that'll happen.

-love-
KatieCottonCandy
(Bite Me Bitch)

Another sleepless night.

Another morning of waking up to the cold breeze floating in through my open window while your voice carries me into another moment of lost days and lost chances.
It's not the stupidity of my choices, but the fact that i'm too much of a fucking coward with a disguised stuttering problem and the shakes to shake the world. I can say it's all in one ear and out the other but just as soon i'd lose it to the rest of the garbled mess in my overcrowded head.

I'll call you Stella,
you'll be my All Time Low
and we'll fall in love with the bathroom floor.

I'll hold the needles at bay
and i'll hold him(my worst regret) back with a promise that i'll break the minute i make it.

I'd say somehting is wrong with me
BUT
that would mean i could fix it.
(which i can't.)

Basically.....
I'm jonesing for a hit. It's all i want and i'm shaking i want it so bad.
I want it more than sex,
i want it more than Trevor,
i want it more than any friend i've ever wanted.

But what i want,
i can't have.

Shake Me
Break Me
Tear Me
To Pieces

-Katie

now. some people in this world may enjoy themselves a tad bit of porn but not me.

in my opinion it is disgusting and i do not enjoy even a glimpse of it.

so, google images. thank you. all i wanted was a picture of a hair color to show someone what my hair looked like when i was a small child and i see women naked with their legs spread urging the camera forward.

now, i must go to my dads, not looking forward to it because i do not want to deal with spoiled fucking brats that have no idea how to respect anyone because their mother is a fucking pothead and doesn't know how to say no. then, i have my dad's bitch girlfriend coming home in a couple weeks and yeah i may miss her a little but i would gladly have dealt with missing her over seeing her and my dad practically having sex in the kitchen. no thank you. i'm fucking sick of it.
Why do i go to my dad's then? because part of me still thinks he will treat me like he actually gives a flying fuck like he did when i was ten and not like some bitter old prick.

so. thank you: google images, dad, carrina, dumbass amanda(not alice), and Amanda's dumbass little shits.

i swear i will drow them in the mud first time they piss me off.

love
your worst fucking nightmare!

PS. i'm not kidding. i'm gonna fucking SNAP
ps. i really do wish i were ten again.

i'm fucking suffocating with a smile on my face
and
a needle in my hand
and
they can't even see it
and
i don't know how to show them without screaming
and....

i just want to feel better again.

just when i think i've got my emotions and hormones under control they fuck me. quite literally mind you.

I'm a sad face.... i finished my book and i can't get the other one... and right now all i really actually want to do is curl up on that big brown comfy couch and cuddle in his lap and read until my eyes bleed.

i felt absolutely gorgeous today and the one person i didn't expect to notice did and the weird thing is, he shouldn't be paying attention to me. Not me at all. there is that one girl that wants him and she's my best friend and i hate that he was hitting on me and as far as i know not on her! GAH! why is it that when i want people to notice me feeling and looking good it's the wrong people???? I'm sorry Sweetie, i wished it were you and not me right now, i really DO!

I love you honey.

Katie-Kat